"I just remembered, your father needs the car. He’s going bowling tonight."
The aforementioned father is within hearing distance and does not saying anything so this must be true. He wants to take the car.
"You better leave now," my mother tells me.
I’m literally in the middle of eating dinner. I’m not ready at all. But I grab the library books I need to return and rush off to the library. I hurry to get back in time. When I arrive home the aforementioned father announces that he is not taking the car after all.
I’m not happy about this so I tell him “You could have told me.”
He explains that he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want me to take long at the library. What he doesn’t say aloud is that he wants to control me.
I explain to him that I wasn’t going to take long at the library, I just would have liked to know I had time to finish my dinner before leaving because now my food is cold.
He yells at me telling me that I better eat it and he will only be serving me cold leftover food more often and if I don’t eat it then I will have to go without eating.
This is the man my mother calls “a good man”. Just the other day he brought me a chocolate bar from the store. I forgot to say thank you. He flipped out. My mother told me “He does everything for you. You need to appreciate him.”
So apparently bringing home a candy bar makes you a saint. No, it’s just more of his control tactics. It’s like ‘I bought you something now you can’t say I treat you badly and leave.’
No, my mother is blind to this.
Blind to his controlling ways. Blind to the constant verbal abuse that makes me feel like dying. Blind to the physical abuse. Because I “deserved to be punished for crying.” And well “Kids need fear so they learn respect.” No, respect is not fear. I don’t respect him at all, a big 300 pound asshole bullying a tiny 100 pound girl. I fear him. I am afraid he will kill me. That’s why I ran away that day. That’s why I cower in my bed at night when I hear him walking towards the stairs, praying to God he isn’t coming for me. That is not a father. That is a monster.
But silly me I’m “just exaggerating.”